Happy Apple Goodness: To my sweet cousin - I love you, rest in peace

Last week and weekend were very difficult for me. We lost one of my favorite cousins.
My first cousin, Dorothy Beth Hageon Davis passed away.
Upon hearing the news, I was deeply saddened. Dot was such a wonderful, beautiful person inside and out. She was intelligent, always had a smile on her face and most importantly she was a Christian.
Dot did a lot of work in the church and the community and even ran for school board last year. She was a part of the Women United Choir and was Choir President at St. John Baptist Church in Silsbee.

To this day, I still feel like I am in an awful dream and just can not wake up. Her death was sudden. She had just found out that she had a cancerous stomach tumor and started chemo. I never thought we would lose her so soon.

All last week, I cried so much....On the way to work, on the way home, before bed, in the middle of the night.....asking God for understanding. Primarily, the pain hurt so badly because I had just spoken with her on Wednesday at lunch and she said that she was fine. She asked where was Jerry. She loved our relationship and our love for each other.

A week before her passing, I had an awful dream that someone passed away in my family. It wasnt her, someone else, but I woke up crying. In my dream, I kept saying "but I just talked to her, how am I gonna talk to her now". After hearing of Dot's passing, I thought, "but I just talked to her" I instantly thought about the dream I had just the week before.

In a way, I am little angry with myself because I wish I was able to do something...I don't know what - move her to MD andersen in houston, help her get a better doctor (she didn't have insurance) or just be there to question the emergency room doctors she had. But, I have told myself that God is a God all by himself and there was nothing I could do. He needed her more.

This whole incident made me think of my dad passing away with lung cancer when I was 11 years old. He was doing fine and was being moved to a nursing home the next day, but passed in the night....we had just saw him.

I remember a sermon from way back when...the pastor stated that it is no longer here today, go tomorrow, it is now..here today, gone today. So, you really have to tell your love ones you love them.

On our drive to Silsbee for the funeral, Jerry and I admired the tons of beautiful pink flowers. I guess they were azalaes but we saw them everywhere. It was ironic that Dot's funeral was a pink theme sort of...pink casket, pink programs, she was dressed in pink, and had pink flowers. I take this as sign that she was right there with us on the drive there, back, etc. At the funeral, she looked at peace and to me had a smile on her face. I never been to a funeral where the person looked like they were smiling...at total peace.

To Dot-- you were such a wonderful person, rest in peace and enjoy your mansion and the streets made of gold. I love you, but God loved you more.

You will be greatly missed!
Your cousin,

Tonya

Dot (always smiling)